Sunday, November 28, 2010

Set backs

So after I posted yesterday I went on a binge.
6 pieces of toast with garlic butter spread
1 chocolate bar
10 marshmellows
6 mini samosas with sweet chili sauce
2 apples
14 strawberries
and 2 slices of chocolate cake with whipped cream
I am so disgusting! I make myself sick with hate, the worst thing is that no one knows anything is wrong with me. That there is a disease in my head that refuses to leave and that i can't get rid of it myself, I need help. I need someone to notice that I am not OK, and that when i say "I'm fine" I'm really not, or when I refuse your leftovers it isn't because I don't want it, it's because if I do then the voices will yell at me and call me names.
I'm breaking down and falling apart and no one is here to put me back together again.

1 comment:

  1. Oh dear, please stay strong! I know you feel so gross right now, but focus on doing better! I used to silently beg for help too. I don't want to discourage you, but when I DID ask for help, it ended up being the worst thing. I hated being controlled. There is nothing worse than that. So I faked recovery and got my control back. I hope you figure things out soon!