So after I posted yesterday I went on a binge.
6 pieces of toast with garlic butter spread
1 chocolate bar
10 marshmellows
6 mini samosas with sweet chili sauce
2 apples
14 strawberries
and 2 slices of chocolate cake with whipped cream
I am so disgusting! I make myself sick with hate, the worst thing is that no one knows anything is wrong with me. That there is a disease in my head that refuses to leave and that i can't get rid of it myself, I need help. I need someone to notice that I am not OK, and that when i say "I'm fine" I'm really not, or when I refuse your leftovers it isn't because I don't want it, it's because if I do then the voices will yell at me and call me names.
I'm breaking down and falling apart and no one is here to put me back together again.
Oh dear, please stay strong! I know you feel so gross right now, but focus on doing better! I used to silently beg for help too. I don't want to discourage you, but when I DID ask for help, it ended up being the worst thing. I hated being controlled. There is nothing worse than that. So I faked recovery and got my control back. I hope you figure things out soon!
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