Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
So two weeks ago I applied for a Prefect role at my school. Next year is my last year of college education (High School), and prefect roles are offered to girls in their final year. So I applied for a role, not expecting much, but to my delight I received a call saying that I had an interview for the Prefect I applied for. So I went for my interview, and the teachers asked me questions such as: Why are applying for the role? What can you bring to the role? What are your strengths and weaknesses? They said I gave good answers and that the interview had a 'flow'. I'm trying not to get my hopes up in case I don't get it, but I can't help wondering. I'm excited at the possibility that I may be able to influence younger girls in a positive way. I find out next Wednesday if I have it or not, so I'll keep you posted.
Friday, November 25, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Monday, November 14, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Saturday, November 5, 2011
I couldn’t walk into my room, where I did it. I refused. I couldn’t re-live
those final moments. Touching the doorknob forced me to tears. I’m sleeping in my
dad’s study. The couch bed isn’t as comfy as my own, but at least I can sleep
there. I haven’t stepped foot in there, and I don’t plan too. I’m not strong
enough yet. I need more recovery time. That room to me is like a taboo. A
ghastly place that will push me over again.
the kitchen this morning to utter silence, but it was clear they had just been
speaking. About me. I try to shrug it off and make out that everything is fine.
But it’s not. I still feel empty.
here. Mother is still leaning towards Psych Ward, so if I so much as shed one tear over anything, that’s where I’ll be. So it’s back to being perfect Alex. I can’t express emotion anywhere but
therapy, which I don’t even though my therapist is so lovely (Miss Melody, how wonderful).
begin this Thursday. I’ve passed, but I won’t be getting any special
endorsements or anything. So I can’t exactly see any friends as they’ll be
studying hard. It’s funny though, I’ve been getting a lot of attention lately
from my friends. Even people I have barely said one word too have made me
cards. It’s overwhelming and thoughtful, and I certainly do appreciate it, but
I can’t help but wonder if it’s just because I’m suddenly interesting, because I
stepped outside the boundaries of ‘normal’. I have seen people from school, who have come
over to pay a visit. Do they just want to see me pale and gaunt and know that
this is what defeat looks like? I am still unsure, but I try my best and thank
them for coming. I do appreciate it, I really do! But I can’t help but wonder.
hope). I’m home, and it feels right to be outside the hospital walls, it was
tiring in there, a room by yourself with only approved movies to watch (think
Daddy Day Care, and Cheaper by the Dozen). I counted the holes in the ceiling for
an entire 3 hours just to pass some time (3,528). I can finally breathe fresh
air, and see more than the car park out my window. I’m sick of being stuck in
this position, I always was. I thought I made the right move, but I didn’t.
Time to make the right one.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
But that's not the point of this post. the point of this post is to thank everyone of you that tried for me and who showed that you cared for me 'that night'.
americaneaglelove - Your four posts were so kind and generous. I appreciate that you were willing to stay up ALL night for me, and your posts made me smile for the first time since I 'tried'. Your post on you blog letting everyone of your readers know that they are beautiful people is gorgeous and makes me realise that I should do this more often. You have a stunning way of writing and i hope that you pursue a career in it one day.
Di-anna - I greatly appreciate your willingness to talk to me personally, and I take that straight to heart. You are so sweet and lovely and wonderful, and for some reason remind me of a White Rabbit (positive). Please know that you are not a bad person and don't be afraid to fall in love. It could be the best thing that every happened to you, and you WILL grow from it.
missinsanity. - I've had many experiences, and perhaps one day I can share them with you. I am sad to hear of your lack of sleep, blue nails and vicious cycles. i know you can overcome this and i am here for you, just like you were there for me.
alisha - You're comment released the tears that had been brimming in my eyes. I care for you on a personal level too. I've read through every post on your blog, and actually consider you a friend. Words can not describe how much I appreciated you reaching out to your own readers to make sure I was okay. It's probably the nicest thing anyone has ever done. I am still weak, but I have found a little strength (it' probably the piece you gave me). i admire you're courage to move on from M and I hope someday i can have that kind of courage too.
movesnmunchies - I appreciate your honesty in telling me that you don't read my blog. That's okay, the fact that you were willing to help someone you didn't even know existed is a tremendous thing, and you should be proud of this. I do not know of your previous situation, but it is inspiring to know that someone can come from where I am and be a better person because of it.
ivy - I may not you that well either, but the fact that you comforted me is a positive in my book. Who know perhaps we will know each other better in the future? You seem like a lovely girl and i am quite envious of your blog as it is so visually beautiful.
Thrills - i loved you're almost brutal comment. It was a wake up call and I appreciate it. i love how down to earth you are, and that you write with a kind of comedic style. It stands out in a positive way. I'm kinda addicted to your blog now ha ha.
lilulak - *HUGS* you're post was the sweetest thing, and you remind me of my friend who had been through the same thing. Lindsey? If this is you, thanks. If not, I really do think you should begin blogging again. I've been through the majority of your posts, and need some more to read!
Sarah - I hope me affecting you wasn't a burden, but you did affect my day in a positive way. you made me stop and think. You got em to realise that I didn't know that death was any better than life, and that's why I should fear it, at least until I can be friends with it. That's the thing, I thought I was friend with death. I thought I was ready to meet it liking seeing long lost friend. But I was wrong, and I thank you for showing me the truth. I have always wanted kids, and sometimes think of who they'd be. I know realise I need to be there to show my children all the light in the world.
désespérée de maigrir - First off I love your name. i don't know any French beyond 'oui' despite studying it for two years, so i had to put it into google translate. thank you, I know there must be tons of people who love you and you must have boys dropping at your feet.
Adelia - believe me I am not strong in all senses of the word. but I've been told that behind every strong figure is a humble one who is ready to comfort them when they fall. I'm the humble one, which I guess makes you the strong one.
Jldickso - You're right, the dark times are the longest. But it's the light ones that make life worth living. I can't imagine everything being perfect in a year, but hopefully in a couple or so. Thank you for praying for me, and i promise that it will not go to waste. You have a beautiful outlook on life, I think I'm beginning to see it. Thank you for leaving contact details, and opening your doors to me, it means the world.
I think this post is long enough, so I'll leave it for now and catch you up on the details next time. I love you all, and am ecstatic to have such beautiful people as readers!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Personally, I would like to thank you all so much for giving my friend the love and attention she deserves. It is great to see people willing to help others even if they do not know them personally and I am pleased that Alex has that. She says that she will try to personally post a thank you message as soon as she can.
Thank you xx
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
Starting weight: 99lbs
first week: 98.5lb
second week: 98.8lb
third week: 97.6lb
fourth week: 94.3lb
sixth week: 85.6lb
total weight lost: 8.7lb
Friday, June 3, 2011
Starting weight: 99lbs
first week: 98.5lb
second week: 98.8lb
third week: 97.5lb
fourth week: 94.3lb
total weight lost: 3.2lb
It's not as much as others but I'm to happy to care, this is the least I've ever weighed!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Third week weigh in: 97.5lb
total weight lost: 1.5lb
At least I lost weight, and I didn't give into temptation. I'm on my way to being perfect.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Friday, May 13, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Sunday, April 24, 2011
It's hard to break someones cycle. They go about doing everything the same. I don't mean that cycle as in they always brush their teeth before they get dressed, no. I mean the way they treat someone or how they roll their eyes when someones thought vary from theirs. it's kind of ignorance really. They refuse to step outside their comfort zone to help someone else.
it can really make one feel worthless. Well better kick up your boots son, cause we ain't out of the tunnel yet. In a world fill of billions of people I still feel so lonely and worthless. Surely at least one out of those billion cares? Of so then step up, don't hide yourself in the rose bushes! I mean is it really so wrong to want to be perfect and stunning? I want that so much I may just explode! but then in the grand scale of things what i want isn't important. It doesn't matter so I may as well not want it. No one cares, and they probably never will judging from how things look. Better tear yourself down before someone else does darling.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
It was pretty much perfect.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Thank you so much for posting your e-mails and offering wisdom on the topic. It's great to know that i can lean on you guys when I need someone to talk too.
Friday, March 25, 2011
I've never been one to ask for help, I'm more a suffer in silence type of person, but I realise i can't do this on my own anymore. I need someone, anyone to get me back on my feet. I'm broken, and exposed and no one is even looking.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Friday, February 11, 2011
I'm losing it, I really am. i can't take anything anymore. i want to get out of here. Go some place new, and start a fresh. But I can't so I have to escape in other ways. other ways that aren't good for me either. When did it get this fucking bad?
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
i have come to realise that one of the reasons that we fall into the eating disorder trap is because we don't fully understand it. There just isn't enough education out there about it. Many think that it's a personal choice to have an eating disorder, but it isn't. it's a mental illness that can affect you throught out your entire life. It's not a switch that you can suddenly switch off, and that's what many don't understand. I myself have not been classified with and eating disorder, but i know from reading your blogs and personal experience how it can cripple you.
recently I saw a nutrionist with a friend -she plays tennis semi-professionally and has lots of trainers and dieticians. her name was Dr. Willis, and she truely opened my eyes to things I'd been missing. i thought to lose weight fast, you ate less and worked out more. All though this is true -kinda- it's much more effective if you do it 'healthily'. She told us that the best diet is one that is high protein, high fibre, and low carb. plus you should work out at least 3 times a week focusing on cardio and muscle building. the best type of protein is lean protein (chicken, fish) and that you should try to have some with every meal. 5-6 little meals a day, eating every two hours will keep your metabolism and energy up, which means that your body will burn fat for longer. Thank you Dr. Willis!