Thursday, December 9, 2010

here comes the hurt brigade

Things are slowly going downhill, and very quickly.
In the last post I told you about how I was attending the same party as my crush. Well at the party he was kissing another girl. I was so shocked and even hurt.
How I could I have been so stupid? Of course he'd have a girlfriend! why on earth did I waste those days starving myself for him? But then later on I caught them arguing as she'd been kissing another boy! I felt terrible for him, but also secretly glad. I comforted him and he told me how kind and sweet I was, and that I looked really pretty(squeal!). I was so happy and we had a moment when we looked into each others eyes, and I can just tell he was feeling how I was feeling. It was like a movie. But then a drunk couple stumbled into our secluded spot away from the party, so we left.
The next day I was doing well with my eating (I had only had 1 piece of spreadless toast and it was 1.20), when I saw my crush (lets call him M) talking to his girlfriend happily. So what did I do?
I went to the nearest dairy and bought a chocolate bar, a packet of chips and a non-diet coke. I then went home and stuffed my face with ice cream and 6 brandy snaps!
After I realised what I'd done I blew it. I cried and screamed, and even smashed my mirror with a china doll.
I am so hurt and confused right now. The worst part being is that I have no friends to turn too. They are all to emersed with themselves and each other that I seem to be nothing but wallpaper in an room full of egos. I am just invisible to everyone, and I hate myself relentlessly. I just want all the hurt to go away, I want it gone, out of me.

I just give up.

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