Proud and Scared

I am doing this. So far I've stuck to my rules and worked hard at the gym. I can feel my thighs burning, and my stomach is looking a little flatter. I am ecstatic, but i can't look at myself in the mirror yet. I have covered up the full length one in my room with a piece of fabric, and I dare not even look at any of the other mirrors in my house for fear of bursting into tears. weight scales? Same story. I just walk away. When i can finally look myself in the mirror, I will step on the scales.

The other night i was at a party and I am proud to say that I did not touch one piece of junk food. I did however attack the massive fruit bowl, but they're good for you right? I managed to eat one apple, 14 grapes, 2 mandarins and 3 pieces of watermelon. But not one chip, lolly, soda or chocolate. This motivates me even more.

I am scared though. I have been doing well, I know it has to end. I am waiting for that slip, that tumble, that binge. i know it's coming and this scares me so much. I lye awake at night thinking about how I can avoid it but i know I can't. It will come, how can I prepare?